She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
