I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
