Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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