Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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