i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
