My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize