i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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