Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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