i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
