I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize