I think my vagina is haunted
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize