Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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