I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
