You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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