Define "chronic" masturbator.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
