I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
