on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
