No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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