It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
