Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
