the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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