Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize