don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's great music for shaving your balls
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
