Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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