Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Less talking, more tequila
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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