Christians are straight up FREAKS
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
