You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
