hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
