have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
