Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
