I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
