MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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