i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
