my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
