I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize