You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
