yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
