My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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