I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
