it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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