if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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