You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
