i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
operation have a gay friend backfired
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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