I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
