I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
