im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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