So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
