when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You smell like stripper and shame
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
