you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
