Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
