The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize