so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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