I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
