so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
