i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
