FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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