I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
