Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
