Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
