That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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