the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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