i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
