Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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