I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize