"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
