I love black thongs
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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