What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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