we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
