Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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