We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
