dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
