No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize