Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
that may or may not have been my penis.
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