In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
