Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
