We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
