you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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