Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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