I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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