she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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