this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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