therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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