Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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