I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize