dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
