If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Brb crying the tears of my youth
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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