is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
