he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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