I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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