Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
