Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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