Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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