i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You did what with his pubic hair?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
