She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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