Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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